Amateur Skunk Removal 101

By

                                                Larry Buege

Warning: The following procedure was performed by a professional novice with years of inexperience. Please do not try this at home.

 

                                                                               The Critical Situation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       The United States Constitution guarantees the right to bear arms in defense of home and by extension, garden. With that mandate, I began trapping trespassers of all colors and stripes in the summer of 2008. By July 4th, I had bagged four gophers and two snowshoe hares. On the morning of July 6th, I was confronted with this black intruder with white racing stripes. I had to assume he was armed and dangerous. Removal of this biological time bomb with WMD capability had to be conducted with utmost caution. With the possibility of poisonous gas, I longed for my National Guard MOPP (Mission Oriented Protective Posture) gear.

 

 

                                                      The Equipment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      It is imprudent to proceed without the proper equipment. The equipment I used consisted of an old Army poncho, a telescoping pole with hooked tip, and duct tape (not shown). The inquisitive skunk is watching the preparation from his live trap. According to the Internet (which is never wrong), skunks can shoot their stinky spray up to fifteen feet. The telescoping pole is ten feet long.

 

                                                     The Pre-wrap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      The live trap was lifted with the hook at the end of the pole. The skunk appeared nervous, but held his fire. The trap was placed in the center of the poncho. Everything looks good, Mission Control. The retro-rockets have not been deployed.

 

                                                     Gift Wrapped

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        Using the ten-foot pole, I flipped the sides of the poncho over the trap. Once the trap was covered, I was able to move in to strap the poncho down with duct tape. As long as the skunk could not see how ferocious I was, we did okay.

 

                                                       Skunkmobile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        I hand-carried the gift-wrapped skunk to the front yard, where I attached the cage to the top of my Jeep Cherokee. The skunk remained a real gentleman or perhaps lady. I had no desire to check out the specifics.

 

                                        A Secure Undisclosed Location

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         The skunk was transported to a Secure Undisclosed Location. (No, I did not see the Vice President.) We rode over some very bumpy roads, which was pressing our luck. Again, he withheld his fire. Could it be the intelligence information about the skunk’s WMD capability was faulty?

 

 

                                                          The Release

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        Using the ten-foot pole, I unwrapped the live trap. I expected the insurgent to make a run for the hills once I opened the door to the trap. Instead, he looked out, saw me, and returned to the cage. It took about ten minutes of coaxing to get him to leave.

 

                                             Mission Accomplished

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        The insurgent finally took off—straight for my wife who was waiting in the get-away car. A little more coaxing sent him off toward the woods—Mission Accomplished.